Thoughts before a journey

Hey beautiful,

Today, I just want to talk about life, unlike my usual posts here. It’s pretty queer, the situation. My life is going pretty good, and some might even say that it’s amazing but I don’t feel amazing, lately. I think it’s the mixed emotion of feeling nostalgic and a little scared and excited and useless.

Let me give you some backstory here. I am 18 years old, and going to move to my college’s residential campus in 22 days. I have never lived away from home, without my parents for longer than a week so the mere situation freaks me out. I’m really looking forward to the entire independence of it all, but the nervousness right now is like the 2 minutes before a performance.

I have got to know of such amazing people that will be at college so it is really exciting but then again, will I make a good group of friends? Then again, is having a group of friends more important than having many, different friends like I have had till now? I don’t know.

The concept of me living on my own interests me because at home, I’m a messy person and those who suffer from this are really only my family;I don’t mind the mess as long as I clean it soon enough. Will this magically change once I’m in college and my frustrated grandmother doesn’t clean up my bed? I don’t know.
Yesterday, I went to buy some stuff for college and amidst the soap holder and cleaning brush, the shopkeeper asked me if I wanted a rolling pin to make dough, for rotiI felt like I was settling down in a new house or something. “No, OF COURSE not, I don’t need a rolling pin. I’m going to college, not settling down,” I told him, half-scared, half-amused.

Apart from the social factor of living somewhere away from home, the academics in my college excites me. Being the competitive person I am, I’m waiting to see the classroom atmosphere of my college. Yet, I have this lingering debate in my head-what if I’m not good enough for it, or even to compete with it? What if my mental faculties have a dead end somewhere? I rebuttal this with my belief that if really want to do well at something, I will never really give up. Hopefully, this belief stays in those moments of doubt.

I also feel a little useless at this point because I wish I did more with my time. Vacations are “meant” for chilling out but really, what am I doing with these moments of my life when I’m binge-watching Community and eating Chocos till 3 in the morning? I’m doing a few projects but I feel like I’m not doing enough. Maybe the solution is that I need to start journaling again. Yeah I need to do that.

So this is where I am at, standing at the edge of my bed, looking at my unopened empty suitcase, waiting to see if I’m ready to take on the excitement and leave the nervousness for a few days before I leave. Holding one emotion of hope for a good journey sounds like a good idea for me right now.

Yeah, I think I will open my cupboard and start filling the suitcase now.

Until next time,
Charuvi.

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Insanity on a windy evening

She willed herself to insanity with Selena Gomez and soon nothing mattered.
Not the paan wala on her right, the bike zooming by her left, the road under her feet or the blue ocean above her head. Boom boom boom went the melody in her ears. She was in another zone then, free and swimming. And nothing pushed her back. Though, society had never really pushed her back.
Wearing the bubblewrap of music she was a different person: herself illuminated by the drama of SFX. She still puzzled everyone and left them in her head, still looked into souls and thought about the world, still inquired after lost faces and ached to soothe ones that went through a different but not unknown kind of insanity.
Halfway through the lane, her head swung lightly to either side with each beat of the song, and she was so much in the moment-seeing every atom of her world with scrutiny and feeling a freedom that only walking on a windy evening can set sail to.

Living The Manuscript

Think of stars in the sky,

Feel the breeze in your hair,

See the world with each eye.

~

Arrange the books in proper order,

Choose the bag that you’ll carry,

Seal the friend-circle border.

~

Be curious in the head,

Laugh at all the silly jokes,

Remember tears that you’ve shed.

~

Wear that one favourite top,

Crave all pointless distractions,

Never notice the unfitting mop.

~

Smile at him across the hall,

Believe in whatever is told,

Try your hand at sports’ call.

~

Take part in everything,

Live the rough manuscript,

Be your own Lion King.

The alien force

Everything must be one way,

How a group of people planned it all out,

No innovation, no introspection.

~

That’s how we keep thinking,

It’s what some of our elders have been preaching,

Everyday; all the time.

~

But i feel I am uniquely different,

Not because someone else has stamped me thus,

But because of some alien force called “individuality”.

~~~~~~~~~~

I feel,

We can keep growing beyond 21,

We can learn singing at 81.

We can wear orange to a funeral,

Or make craziness to be a principle.

~~~~~~~~~~

We can actually join Facebook at 13,

We can, to read a book, be keen.

We can do things our friends have never done,

Hell, we can even ALWAYS pull-off a careless, messy bun. 😉

~~~~~~~~~~

We can do all/ any/ most/

None/ many of these things.

For there is no restriction-no limit-

In such a place as our world,

Where there has been no success,

With only a ‘safe-sailing’ ; ‘right-solution’ kit.

~~~~~~~~~~

We live in the midst of a crowd that follows a particular idea-which a lot of the crowd sways by. If you do, why do you? If you don’t why don’t you? Find the answers to these questions and you’ll be able to harness this alien force-individuality-for certain 😉