Thoughts before a journey

Hey beautiful,

Today, I just want to talk about life, unlike my usual posts here. It’s pretty queer, the situation. My life is going pretty good, and some might even say that it’s amazing but I don’t feel amazing, lately. I think it’s the mixed emotion of feeling nostalgic and a little scared and excited and useless.

Let me give you some backstory here. I am 18 years old, and going to move to my college’s residential campus in 22 days. I have never lived away from home, without my parents for longer than a week so the mere situation freaks me out. I’m really looking forward to the entire independence of it all, but the nervousness right now is like the 2 minutes before a performance.

I have got to know of such amazing people that will be at college so it is really exciting but then again, will I make a good group of friends? Then again, is having a group of friends more important than having many, different friends like I have had till now? I don’t know.

The concept of me living on my own interests me because at home, I’m a messy person and those who suffer from this are really only my family;I don’t mind the mess as long as I clean it soon enough. Will this magically change once I’m in college and my frustrated grandmother doesn’t clean up my bed? I don’t know.
Yesterday, I went to buy some stuff for college and amidst the soap holder and cleaning brush, the shopkeeper asked me if I wanted a rolling pin to make dough, for rotiI felt like I was settling down in a new house or something. “No, OF COURSE not, I don’t need a rolling pin. I’m going to college, not settling down,” I told him, half-scared, half-amused.

Apart from the social factor of living somewhere away from home, the academics in my college excites me. Being the competitive person I am, I’m waiting to see the classroom atmosphere of my college. Yet, I have this lingering debate in my head-what if I’m not good enough for it, or even to compete with it? What if my mental faculties have a dead end somewhere? I rebuttal this with my belief that if really want to do well at something, I will never really give up. Hopefully, this belief stays in those moments of doubt.

I also feel a little useless at this point because I wish I did more with my time. Vacations are “meant” for chilling out but really, what am I doing with these moments of my life when I’m binge-watching Community and eating Chocos till 3 in the morning? I’m doing a few projects but I feel like I’m not doing enough. Maybe the solution is that I need to start journaling again. Yeah I need to do that.

So this is where I am at, standing at the edge of my bed, looking at my unopened empty suitcase, waiting to see if I’m ready to take on the excitement and leave the nervousness for a few days before I leave. Holding one emotion of hope for a good journey sounds like a good idea for me right now.

Yeah, I think I will open my cupboard and start filling the suitcase now.

Until next time,
Charuvi.

Days like this.

Hey beautiful,

I met my best friends today but it felt like something different. It felt like we peeled back another layer between us. We watched an unconventional movie and everyone laughed- like they’d understood what had passed and moved on with the future. How big of a thing that is, I hope they’d measured. We’d grown together in that time-as people in a relationship.

Looking back at our personalities, it’s amazing that we can grow together. There are some things uncomfortable but we’re getting past that. We’re getting past habits and expressions of love and schedules. We’re helping each other out and I’m grateful for that kind of a relationship.

I went with one of them to the beach after and watched the waves crash while talking about dreams. We spoke about what we’re doing and what we want to do. We talked about nature, out of all the pure things to talk about. The day altogether honestly felt like it had slept on a soft cloud gently. It felt beautiful.

Later, I went home and laughingly removed the sand from my shoes. I kept the shoes back on the stand but on another day soon, I’ll find the sand of my memories, preciously remove them from my present and keep myself ready for another beautiful day, embedded in my future.

Thank you for these memories.

Yours,
Charuvi.

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Me, Jahanvi and Sanjukta (from the right) at an event a few days a week ago!

Hygge

Hey,

I just wanted to make a post expressing that I am doing fine. In the past few years, months, days, weeks and seconds-a lot of things have happened. I have lived through  them and adapted to the change they have brought in my life. There have been people who have brought me down, people who have helped me up, people who have hurt me and those who have misunderstood me, apart from many others. I can’t say that life has been good, nor can I say that it has been bad. But I can say, I’m pulling through this rollercoaster.

I think about a lot of things. Sometimes, I think about people who are in the stage of giving up on themselves. They urge me to want to make them believe HOW powerful they are, really. I believe in them, in humanity.
I believe in the life that is bottled up inside the living. That feeling of sunshine on your face, the clarity that you feel after drinking water and the mere softness of grass under your body is all “life”. I believe that this “life” is inside us, only in a form that a lot of us are blind to. This “life” wala feeling? It’s in love. In loving what you do and being content with how everything is going. It’s in accepting who you are and learning to learn from life. It’s in BELIEVING in beauty around you.
Personally, I believe that I have the willpower to rise above the “giving up”. I live my life to proceed, to find solutions and to achieve.

When I think about all this, I feel scared that my loved ones will waste too much time feeling guilty/ mournful about my death, whenever my life will stop. Because frankly, that is a futile exercise for someone who has experienced hygge and been content. There have been a lot of situations in the past few years, months, days, weeks and seconds- and I can proudly say that I am content in this moment for having pulled through 17 years of situations. And having felt extreme happiness. No, this doesn’t mean something starkly different is going to happen today, or tomorrow for which I am writing this post. But the reality is that we don’t control situations that we are faced with. We can change them for certain, but we don’t control their occurrence in our lives.

In the end i would like to say, I hope you are content, and if you aren’t I hope you are dealing with the problem. I hope you live for creating a warm atmosphere and enjoying the good things in life with good people- for hygge.

Balloons make me feel all hygge
Balloons make me feel all hygge

Dear fellow human…

Dear fellow human,

Everyone is dealing with the ups and downs of life-everyday, every moment. They just have different ways to do so-whether it is the homeless man lighting a cigarette senselessly at the bus stand or the woman walking by with determined eyes; the man working hard at the profession for which he is passionate or the woman at the beach with a bottle in hand and tears in her heart. We just need to recognize every being as the same human as us. A growing human. A changing human. For just as I need to be understood in times of self-doubt and self-pride, so do you.

Thank you,

An understanding individual hoping to someday spark a revolution in ‘humane’ minds.

Our story

Everyone has a story. It has excitement, disappointment, fear, love, rejection, anticipation, and so many more emotions that we believe affect us only.

Simply seeing memories of our past reminds us of the raw emotions felt in that moment down in memory lane. How, in that moment, ‘that’ was important. How, in that moment, ‘that’ made sense. How feeling all of that has built to up to the perceptions of life in our current story.

Everything around and amongst us has/is a story, a fraction of which a lot of people have gone through, but which they have all dealt with differently.

So for those who are overwhelmed by their current scenario, this is just a gentle reminder of how bitter-sweet ALL of our lives are. Don’t give up it. Instead, realize that you HAVE the potential to live through it.

We’ve all been through the worst of life. But we deserve better than to give up on that which makes us stronger.

Smile. Cry. Resist. Overflow. Above all-live.

Another memory which added to my story.
A beautiful view which amazes me everyday makes me glad for this life.